i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
