Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
we're so committed to being not committed
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
