He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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