I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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