I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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