I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
