O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
