what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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