The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
