She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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