I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
