oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
