Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
