She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
