If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Randomize
