There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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