i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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