New low: just hacked my moms facebook
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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