To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
