I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
