Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
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