I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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