yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
