either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
