PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
