could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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