i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
