NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
