All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
