Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
