too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
