He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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