if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
