Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
