You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
