Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
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