She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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