Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
