I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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