you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
