dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Randomize
