I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I just want nice things and good sex
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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