I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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