Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
