I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
