do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
