At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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