Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
