I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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