I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
