life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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